Sermon Title: Walking Away
Theme: Healing through forgiveness by walking away from the past and toward Jesus.
SECTION 1: AMBER CASE’S STORY
Before I say anything else today, I want to tell you about a conversation that’s been sitting heavy on my heart.
I sat down with a woman named Amber Case. She shared her story with me, and I need you to hear this: what she went through was beyond what most of us could even imagine.
· Amber endured years of mental abuse.
· She was broken down emotionally until she no longer believed her voice mattered.
· She was physically abused and on at least two occasions strangled.
· She experienced sexual trauma that took something sacred and turned it into something shameful.
· She stayed in that storm. Not because she wanted to—but because trauma convinces you there’s no way out.
Then she said something I will never forget:
“If it wasn’t for Jesus, I’d still be there. I would still be broken, bitter, afraid. But Jesus gave me the strength to walk away from the trauma that tried to define me.”
Her story may not be your story. But if we’re being honest, many of us are still walking around carrying wounds that never healed.
· Maybe not the same chains.
· But chains just the same.
SECTION 2: WE ALL PROCESS TRAUMA DIFFERENTLY
You may not have lived Amber’s story, but you’ve lived your own.
· Pain doesn’t have to look the same to be real.
· Trauma doesn’t need to match to matter.
You might be carrying something no one even knows about. Something someone did, something someone said.
· A betrayal.
· A loss.
· A silence.
· A hurt so deep, that the scars still show, either physically or mentally… or both
· A moment where everything changed.
Some of you are silently surviving.
· You smile in public.
· You function.
· But underneath it? You’re tired.
The world tries to tell you your pain isn’t “bad enough.”
· But trauma isn’t a competition.
· If it wounded you—it matters.
· If you’re wearing the scars – it affected you
· If you’re staying up, late at night, doom scrolling on your phone just to keep your brain from remembering the pain, the guilt or the frustration – then it’s living rent free in your head
There comes a point where you realize that carrying it isn’t the same as healing from it.
SECTION 3: EMOTIONAL PUNCHLINE – THE POISON QUOTE
There’s a quote I heard years ago:
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.”
· But many of us sip from that glass daily.
It’s a pain WE REFUSE TO LET GO
· Every time we replay what they did.
o Every time we rehearse the scene.
o Every time we say we’re over it
o …and yet, we still flinch at their name.
o We still feel that pit in our stomach
o We still feel the glow of our skin as the anger swells up inside
You think you’re punishing them by staying angry.
· But they’re probably living their life. They’re not sipping the poison. You are.
· Some of us have drunk it so long, we’ve forgotten what it feels like to live without it.
SECTION 4: THE SCIENCE OF TRAUMA & MEMORY
“So why is it so hard to let go?
· Why can something that happened 10 years ago still hurt like it just happened last week?
· Why are we going to a 30-year High School reunion and someone won’t be there because of something that happened 30 years ago
· Why can a person say one sentence in anger… and you carry it for a lifetime?
Let me walk you through the science of your suffering. Because your mind is not broken—it’s trying to protect you.
· BUT WHAT IT SEES AS PROTECTION …MAY BE THE VERY THING KEEPING YOU IN PAIN.
HERE ARE 9 REASONS WHY YOU CAN’T LET GO
1. Negativity Bias – Why Bad Feels Bigger Than Good
Dr. Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist and author of Hardwiring Happiness: “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.”
This explains why we tend to dwell more on one negative interaction than a dozen positive ones.
Your brain is hardwired to pay more attention to pain than pleasure. Why? Because thousands of years ago, forgetting where the berries were wouldn’t kill you—but forgetting where the bear lived? That would.
Modern Example:
· Ever had someone say 10 nice things to you and 1 mean thing… and all you can remember is the insult?
·
You get 30 compliments in a week and one person criticizes your parenting, your outfit, your job—guess which one keeps you up at night?
Teaching Moment: It’s not that you’re dramatic. It’s that your brain is trying to protect you from danger—it just doesn’t always know how to tell the difference between emotional danger and physical danger.
2. Amygdala Activation – Why Trauma Feels Like a Fire Alarm
The amygdala is your emotional smoke detector. When something hurts, it goes on full alert and tags that moment as ‘life-threatening.
Harvard Medical School researched How Emotions Strengthen Our Memories: “When the amygdala is activated during an emotional event, it enhances memory retention by signaling to the hippocampus to ‘save this.’”
· In trauma, the brain’s emotional center tags events as high priority, forcing vivid long-term recall.
Modern Example:
· That’s why a simple sound, smell, or phrase can trigger a memory so vivid, you feel like you’re back in the moment.
· Smelling their cologne. Hearing a certain tone of voice. Driving past a certain street. It all comes flooding back.
Teaching Moment: It’s not your imagination—it’s your brain keeping the file open because it marked it as ‘too important to forget.’
3. Emotional Tagging – Why the Past Feels Present
Your brain remembers events based on how they made you feel.
Dr. Joseph LeDoux, neuroscientist specializing in survival circuits:
“Emotion serves as a signal that something important has happened and enhances memory encoding.”
That’s why moments of fear, shame, or betrayal get imprinted so deeply.
Modern Example:
· It’s not just what your boss said—it’s how humiliated you felt.
· It’s not just the cheating—it’s the shame, the betrayal, the fear of never being enough.
· It’s not just the fight with your parent—it’s the moment your world stopped feeling safe.
· It’s not just the sexual abuse – it’s how it made you feel helpless, hopeless and unclean
· It’s not just the action… it’s the emotion behind the action
Teaching Moment: Strong emotions act like neon highlighters in your memory. The more it hurt . . . the brighter it glows.
4. Repetition Through Rumination – Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About It
“Every time you replay the memory, you reinforce the pain.”
Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Yale psychologist and leading expert on rumination: “Rumination prolongs the negative mood and amplifies emotional pain, increasing the risk of depression and anxiety.”
· Thinking about the pain over and over strengthens the neurological connection to that event.
Modern Example:
“You’re in the shower, arguing in your head.
You’re driving and suddenly reliving a moment from three years ago.
You rehearse the ‘perfect comeback’ you never said.”
Teaching Moment:
“The brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s happening and what you’re imagining. Every time you replay the moment, it’s like reliving it—and re-strengthening the chain.”
It’s like a broken record that keeps repeating, not because you love the song, but because it never ends
5. Sense of Identity and Justice – Why It Feels So Personal
“When someone wounds your sense of fairness, identity, or worth—your brain won’t let it go easily.”
Dr. Brené Brown, research professor and author of Daring Greatly:
“We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those connections are broken, it creates trauma.”
· Violations of fairness or belonging disrupt our deepest wiring and provoke intense mental distress.
· WE inherently know this… what is one of the first things we use as an argument to our parents “UGGG! THAT ISN’T FAIR!!!” “WHY DOES SO AND SO, GET SUCH AND SUCH!?!”
Modern Example:
You gave your all to that relationship… and they cheated.
You trusted that leader… and they manipulated you.
You served faithfully… and still got fired.
Teaching Moment: The brain keeps bringing it up, not because you’re bitter—but because it wants justice. It’s trying to make sense of something senseless.
6. Unfinished Emotional Processing – Why It Keeps Coming Back
Dr. Sherry Hamby, trauma psychologist and editor of Psychology of Violence: “Trauma lingers when there is no opportunity to create meaning or resolution. The brain keeps it active because it has no closure.”
· This is why trauma often “loops” in the brain—it’s an unfinished story the mind keeps trying to finish.
· “If your brain didn’t get to process what happened, it will keep bringing it up like an internet browser with 35 open tabs.”
Modern Example:
You never got closure from the friend who ghosted you.
You never got to ask ‘Why?’ when the job ended or the relationship crumbled.
You never said the thing you needed to say.
Teaching Moment: Your brain keeps circling the hurt like a buffering screen—because it’s still waiting for closure.
7. Fear of Recurrence – Why You Stay on High Alert
“The brain thinks: ‘If I stay hurt, I’ll stay safe.’”
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score:
“The trauma response is not a broken system—it’s the brain trying to protect you from future harm.”
The brain’s hypervigilance is meant to defend, but it ends up isolating and exhausting us.
Modern Example:
You swore you’d never trust anyone again.
You keep people at arm’s length.
You walk into every new situation expecting disappointment.
Teaching Moment: Fear dresses up like wisdom. But, it’s really just unhealed pain guarding the door.
8. Social and Relational Memory – Why Betrayal Hurts the Most
When someone close to you causes the pain, it cuts deeper.
Matthew Lieberman, UCLA neuroscientist and author of Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect: “Our need to connect is as fundamental as our need for food and shelter.”
· Because relational bonds are essential, betrayal by someone close registers as more damaging than physical pain.
Modern Example:
It’s different when it’s your mom.
It’s different when it’s your pastor.
It’s different when it’s your spouse, your best friend, your child.
Teaching Moment:
We’re wired for connection—and betrayal breaks something sacred. That’s why your brain logs it as ‘do not forget.’
9. Lack of Positive Overwriting – Why the Negative Stays Dominant
Dr. Caroline Leaf, cognitive neuroscientist and author of Switch On Your Brain: “Thoughts are real physical things that occupy mental real estate. Toxic thoughts, if left unchecked, grow stronger over time.”
· Without deliberate healing and replacement, negative memories remain the loudest in the mind.
· If healing doesn’t come after the hurt, the hurt becomes your default.
Modern Example:
You left the relationship but never found safety.
You left the job but never felt valuable again.
You moved on, but nothing has filled the void.
Teaching Moment: If no truth overwrites the lie, the lie gets the final word. That’s why you don’t just need time—you need Jesus. Because only He can write a new truth over an old wound.
SECTION 5: JESUS – THE DOOR TO REDEMPTION
Science can tell us why the pain sticks. But it can’t heal what’s broken. Only Jesus can do that.
Your brain may be wired to hold on—but your spirit was created to be free.
Scripture says:
Romans 12:2 (NIV)
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. . .
· Renewing: Just like your Netflix subscription, you renew it monthly… it was an old subscription and now it’s brand new.
· You don’t need a better memory. You need a new mind.
· You don’t need to manage the pain. You need to surrender it.
Jesus doesn’t fix the old you. He replaces you with someone completely new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
He doesn’t erase your past. He redeems it.
SECTION 6: OBJECT LESSON – THE CHAIN
(Use a live example: you and another person holding a chain.)
This chain represents unforgiveness.
· Every time they pull, you feel it.
· Every time you remember, you relive it.
· But they can only pull if you’re still holding on.
Some people feed off the drama. They want you to stay connected.
Forgiveness isn’t waiting for them to let go.
Forgiveness is you letting go and walking away.
(Drop the chain.)
That’s what freedom looks like.
Let me be clear: Just because they’re still holding the chain doesn’t mean you go back. Just because you forgave doesn’t mean you reconnect.
Walk away. Stay free.
SECTION 7: ILLUSTRATION – STAR TREK FORCE FIELD
Even after you let go, the enemy attacks. But now he’s aiming at your mind.
In Star Trek, when the ship is under fire, Captain Kirk yells:
“Shields up!”
The invisible force field goes up and blocks every hit.
That’s what Scripture is. It’s your force field.
When the enemy lies, Scripture says:
- “You’re not good enough.” → You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
- “You’ll always be broken.” → If anyone is in Christ, they are new.
- “You’ve messed up too much.” → There is no condemnation in Christ.
- “You’re alone.” → I will never leave you or forsake you.
- “You’ll never change.” → He who began a good work will finish it.
That’s what I mean by ‘Shields up.’ The Word isn’t just ink on a page—it’s armor for your soul.
And if you’ve never believed in Jesus before, maybe it’s not that you don’t believe— Maybe it’s that no one ever showed you what freedom sounds like.
SECTION 8: CALL TO RESPONSE – DELIVERANCE THROUGH JESUS
Let’s be real. Some of you are still holding the chain.
· You’ve tried to forget.
· You’ve tried to move on.
· You’ve tried therapy.
· You’ve tried time.
· You’ve tried pretending it didn’t happen.
· You’ve tried shutting down.
· You’ve tried numbing it.
· You’ve tried staying busy.
· You’ve tried fixing it yourself.
· But the pain is still there. The anger is still there. The weight… is still there.
Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Joel 2:25 (NIV)
25 I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten…
ARE YOU STILL HOLDING ON TO SOMETHING THAT’S BEEN HOLDING ON TO YOU?
· You can leave here lighter.
· You can leave here free.
· You can leave here new.
This isn’t about shame. This is about release.
· You don’t have to clean yourself up first.
· You don’t have to figure it all out.
All you have to do is let go.
· Let go of the pain.
· Let go of the past.
· Let go of the chain.
· Let Jesus meet you right where you are.
If you’re ready… to stop surviving… stop pretending… be free— You don’t need magic words. Just a willing heart.
Jesus can’t change what happened to you. But He can change what happens next.
SECTION 9: CLOSING – FINAL CHARGE & BENEDICTION
We talked about pain. About trauma. About chains.
We talked about why it sticks. And the Savior who can break it.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s not saying what happened was okay. It’s saying: I refuse to stay chained to it.
You’ve let go of the chain. You’ve raised the shield. Now walk in freedom.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not be burdened again . . .” – Galatians 5:1
When the memories come back—speak truth. When the enemy whispers—raise your shield. When your heart feels heavy—remember:
You don’t live there anymore.
You are a new creation. You are not what they did. You are not your past pain. You are free. So, walk like it.
Closing Benediction:
May you leave this place with your hands empty… but your heart full. May you walk away from what chained you… and walk into the life Jesus died to give you. You are not who you were. You are who He says you are. Walk in that truth. Walk in that freedom. Walk away… and never look back.
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